A short note to close the year.

In recent years, I send and receive nearly no birthday, Christmas or new year wishes over the festive period.

This is a huge contrast to somewhat ten years ago whereby I still exchange many text greetings through the phone and social media. I am not trying to be unsociable, neither have I not gotten dark, nor am I complaining. There is an unspoken peace that comes with a quiet morning on public holidays. Besides, most of these text messages are usually transactional agendas hiding behind a "how-are-you-doing-in-life" coffee chat.

The truth is that social gatherings bore me these days.

According to American author Mel Robbins,

"When people come and go in your life, 99% of the time it’s not personal."

Most of the time, this is attributed to proximity, timing and energy, which are pillars to social interaction. When you were small, most of your growing years were spent in the same neighborhood with friends who went to the same school and mostly did the same things. It is therefore not surprising that many of our fondest and purest memories are during our school-going days.

But when you hit your twenties and beyond, everybody starts to embark on different timelines—some are pursuing jobs, going to graduate school, or getting married. Others are moving between cities. Everybody's proximity and timing are now different.

You can have fantastic camaraderie with somebody today and then lose contact later when you no longer have those shared experiences.

You could be best beer buddies but if you decide one day that you are not drinking anymore, the energy is off.

If one of you decide to get focused on fitness, the energy's off.

If your political beliefs diverge, the energy's off. 

It is not personal, the energy is just off.

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I had renounced posting on social media for many years now, keeping only my LinkedIn profile intact to upkeep a basic digital identity.

Some folks think I have gotten dark. For me, it is just a progressive realisation. Everyone has moved on and are located in different cities or in various stages of their lives in which priorities are different. After two decades, the playbook of life has changed for everyone.

I have also become increasingly less empathetic and less patient with people who add unnecessary drama to their lives. I find myself also increasingly disgusted with those who are consistently comparing their net worth to others, name-dropping in social circles or make their circumstances and situation your responsibility to solve.

I understand that humans are inherently social and community-driven animals. We bond and find comfort in talking, laughing and sometimes subconsciously ask for advice in the hope that it may guide our decisions.

I enjoy a good banter now and then, but the anecdotal truth seems to suggest that those sitting on the opposite end of the table aren't always looking for a genuine personal opinion.

Most of the time, they are either trying to upsell you on something, get you to agree on their point of view, or just to show off. It gets quite tiring, and I try to avoid settings like these.

No amount of explaining or words will change a conclusion that someone has committed to keeping.

I am not trying to be unfriendly. Some have called me a cynic. I think I am just more selective nowadays on where I focus my energy. These are realisations distilled from having worked in the rat race and running a startup over the last two decades.

They are simply moments of clarity.

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